My obsession with moose continues

I wrote a silly article several months ago deliberating on the inglorious absence of the moose among the ranks of college mascots.  Only one high school in Colorado could I find who has wisely chosen the animal.  As a spin off, I wrote an article for the racing post that I just realized I never put on this blog.  Since it has been quite a while since I have posted anything except some cool videos (must be basketball season), here is the article I wrote.  Yes, I'm a moron, you don't have to tell me.

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 Team Moose Report

I get it.  Pro cycling teams don't have mascots because they have sponsors.  But how cool would it be?

(For any readers who immediately had the bland thought, "Who really cares?", you might want to turn the page now and save yourself from the pain of forced creative thinking.  And go get an imaginary friend while you're at it.) On the other hand, if you are of the sort that embraces random thoughts as daily gems, and if you are of the kind that has ever painted your face with the same team colors as you bleed, and if you have ever spiritedly hoisted a foam finger in the air (and I don't mean the kind that you wave at rude drivers who honk at you), and if you have hooted and hollered like a fool for your favorite franchise (you can probably guess where this thing is going) then I hope you will play along.

Right now, I want you to think of your favorite sports team.  Doesn't matter what league or what sport.  Now, I want you to get a strong, mental image of that team's mascot. If you happened to pick one of the unfortunate teams that has a formless mascot, like "The Big Green" or "The Red Storm", feel free to choose again.  Or if you picked a pro team with an austere personification, like the "76ers" or "Trail Blazers" or "Cleveland Browns", perhaps go with another favorite team that has a stronger animated creature as its representative.  Once you have a fluffy, furry, colorful, or smiling fictional mascot in mind, set it aside and change gears for a moment.

Now think of your favorite pro cycling team.  I know the Tour de France and Pro Cycling Challenge are a few months removed, but think back with me.  Maybe your favorite team is BMC or Garmin-Sharp.  Perhaps it's Sky, Movistar, or Rabobank.  Possibly Radioshack-Nissan.  (If you don't have a favorite, just pick one for the sake of this superfluous exercise.  If you're of the female gender like me and can't decide, do what I do and go with the prettiest kit.  That would be Lampre's pink and blue one.) 

Next, picture these three things:  1) your favorite bike Tour, 2) a rider from the team you just chose pedaling by in that named Tour, and  3) yourself standing on the roadside in your spandex cheering.  (Since it is an imaginary adventure, you can wear something besides spandex if you prefer.)  If you still haven't figured out where this is going yet, now recall the mascot from the beginning and transport it into the scene. Can you see it?  A gloriously uncouth, fake animal or ridiculous life-sized figurine jumping up and down right beside you in the scenic grandstand, yelling like a crazy European at the passing riders. 

I'll share with you my scene, just in case you Peter Panned and lost your ability to think like a kid.  For starters, my favorite mascot is a moose (even though you have to search long and hard to find the only team in America smart enough to choose this awesome animal for its mascot).  I'm at a mountain top finish in the Tour de France wearing, well, spandex, and a T-shirt with a ferocious moose face on the front.  A Bullwinkle-ish, mammoth moose is right beside me, waving his hooves and dangerously waving his cargo-sized snout into the stream of riders.  Who is he?  He is the faithful mascot of the USA Moose Cycling Team.  He travels everywhere with this team of stealthy pro riders.  The team cars and travel trailer even sport his unmistakable and intimidating image. 

As members of the team of our pledged loyalty power by with sweat rolling down their faces, the Moose and I yell in unison "C'mon Moooooose!"  And man, the riders look swank in their brown kits with bright orange highlights (think Virginia Tech's colors).  A vicious set of antlers takes up the entire backside of their jerseys, scowling at enemy drafters on their back wheel.  The sides of their chammies have a mini, full-bodied muscly moose that ripples proud with every pedal stroke.  Across the undulating road, I catch a glimpse of a handful of fellow Team Moose fans with antlers on their heads that tower above their gritty faces.  They hurl insults on the fellow teams (the Australian Roos and French Bag-gets).  A dude from Paris swings a loaf of bread in retaliation and knocks a set of antlers off kilter.  Game on!

Well, maybe not.  But how cool would it be?