Ride on.

Part of me wants to keep the picture of Riley and Connor at the top of this blog for a long, long time.  How can I justifiably talk about biking or the mundane when a family is still hurting so badly?  How can I post pictures that depicts smiling faces when friends nearby are still grieving?  I don't know.

A mother of a classmate of Connor's told me a couple of days ago that her teenage daughter caught herself laughing and then felt guilty for it.  

This morning, I caught a glimpse of Riley going to and from cross country practice and my heart was heavy, then I headed into the gym and coached middle school volleyball players defensive rotations.

Later in the day, I received a card in the mail from Grapevine Faith school, one of our district "opponents" who suffered a similar loss a couple of years ago.  They had delivered a hand written note of prayer and encouragement to every single staff member at our high school.   Then it was off to Spanish class to teach a grammar lesson.

The flags are still flying half mast all over campus, but the pile of flowers in the front of the high school are gone.

How do we carry on?  How can we move forward when our hearts and minds are still trying to recalibrate to the routines of life that have forever been altered for those we love and care about? 

This summer, I rode in the Tour de Gap with my cousin and her husband, the ones who had lost their 16 year old son, last year.  It didn't occur to me until a couple of days after the ride that the day of the tour marked exactly 6 months since Matt passed away.   They spent the day trying a new adventure, on their bikes, in a community of people.  I didn't really ask them about how they were feeling or even how they were doing, I was just thankful to be with them.  Maybe those miles were harder because Matt was on their minds, or maybe his spirit in their hearts is what inspired them to blaze a new path in the first place.  Again, I don't know. 

But I have a lot of respect for my cousin.  And I have a lot of respect for our friends at Grapevine Faith.  So even if it hurts, we will do what they are still doing, what many are still doing, whether it has been one week, one month or even years.  We will ride on.  That is all we can do.   In the power of the Christ who conquered death, it is what we will do.